The Mascot, not the People

I don't like sports. I don't hate sports. I'm usually pretty indifferent to them, actually. I don't watch them on tv, but I'll watch them live if someone asks me to go. Or if the tickets are free. Hell, I'd see just about anything if the tickets are free. Even Cats. Again.

But, sports and me aren't getting along right now because the Cleveland Indians are ruining my life. Here's why:

A) The games are taking over other people's lives to the point mine is disrupted. For example, some of my relatives can't talk on the phone during the game unless it's about the game. Not that they are unique in this behavior. All small talk is now about baseball. Strangers, work associates and even people I know think it's ok to begin a conversation with, "did you watch the game last night?" And then they are shocked, SHOCKED, when I say no. Not that it matters because they continue on like I said yes. If I wanted to know what happened, I would have watched, thanks.

2) Parking lots around my work in the warehouse district raise their rates on home game days in the morning. Why should I have to pay $10 somewhere I paid $6.50 the day before when the game doesn't start for another 10 hours? I'm not going to the game. And even if I were, it's in 10 hours!

C) You later.

4) The phrase "Go Tribe" has become a salutation like aloha. People say it at the beginning of conversations or the end of conversations like it means something. What purpose does saying "Go Tribe" have? Other than to piss me off, I'm not sure. An incredible example of this "go tribe" mentality occurred when some Dink Loser reporter was interviewing one of the teachers who was injured at SuccessTech last week. He ended the interview with, "and good luck to your Indians." What the hell? How is that appropriate?

If you ask me, they can't lose fast enough. And just in case you're one of those superstitious types that thinks my saying that is going to somehow make it true, rest assured that I've been saying it since the postseason started. For all I know, it's bringing them luck.